Tracking
the Journey
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Distance to go:
0 Mi
Distance
Ben and Tarka will cover 1800 miles starting from Scott's Terra Nova Hut at the edge of Antarctica to the South Pole and back to the coast again. That's equivalent to 69 back-to-back marathons hauling up to 200kg each (the weight of roughly two adult men) of kit and supplies necessary to survive.
Distances here are shown in statute miles.
Whiteout, Granola and a Turning Point (Day 56)
Day 56: S87° 44' 56.87", E159° 21' 30.60"
Duration: 8 Hr 30 Min
Daily distance: 18.2 Mi
Distance to go: 1059.8 Mi
Temperature: -24 °C
Wind chill: -38 °C
Altitude: 10062 Ft
Sorry for the lack of an update yesterday. We overslept by 20 minutes, then the surface was terrible all day and we decided to test both of us pulling one sled vs. each pulling individual sleds (we're leaving our last depot tomorrow morning and were considering leaving one sled). The process entailed unpacking and repacking the sleds several times, which added a couple of hours to our day and we didn't finish until late in the evening.
We'll also be doing nine or ten hours per day starting tomorrow, so the alarm goes off at 5.30am from now on, which wasn't the nicest start to today. It was a bit nippy as well, and a complete whiteout all day (I've sent back the only photo I managed to get before my camera died in the cold), which made progress frustratingly slow over the sastrugi fields we're starting to find.
I've always disliked whiteouts intensely, and find them oppressive, claustrophobic and disorientating, but as I retreated into my mind to try to pass our eight-and-a-half hours of hauling, I realised that the less there is to see, the more your thoughts turn inwards. Antarctica finds you out pretty quickly, and it doesn't seem at all tolerant of bluster, swagger or pretence, and a whiteout is perhaps the ultimate blank canvas upon which your qualities, values, foibles and frailties are inevitably laid out for inspection.
Tarka was cooking this morning, and of the two foil breakfast bags (they have no labels, so it's pot luck) offered me the granola with pecans in rather than the honey and oat one we have most often. The breakfasts are all delicious -thanks Dorset Cereals!- but the berry, chocolate and nutty varieties are rare treats, and I jumped at the offer, only to feel guilty and selfish for hours that I hadn't given Tarka what I knew was his favourite.
What's more, I felt physically weak and drained all morning, I felt ashamed that I'd blogged about wanting an expensive suit and some handmade shoes, though in my defense when you haven't touched soap or deodorant in two months, and when you wipe your bottom every morning on chunks of snow at minus thirty degrees, your mind does occasionally miss a bit of luxury. I also felt bad to have heard that my girlfriend was upset she hadn't been mentioned in my list of things I missed (I'd mistakenly thought she wanted to be kept out of the public eye and I now wished I'd made it clear that I'd swap a dozen Saville Row suits and swanky restaurant meals for a home-cooked meal with her and the chance to hold hands as we walked my dog) and my thoughts spiralled negatively as I cursed myself along.
I had a real wobble in the early afternoon, lagging behind Tarka and feeling powerless to move at much more than a crawl as we headed south into the gloom. Things came to a head at our last break when, slumped on my sled, I said to Tarka that I was worried we'd gone too fast so far, and that I was exhausted from trying to hold his pace (Tarka's an internationally-ranked competitive ski mountaineer, he's an extremely skilled and experienced skier, and he's a good five or six inches taller than me, so has a giant stride that I can't hope to match).
Thankfully Tarka took my complaining and worrying and grumpiness in that same giant stride, and gave me a perfectly-pitched pep talk -mainly about the state Shackleton was in when he turned around not far from here more than a century ago, and that they made it back despite being infinitely less fit, well-equipped and well-fed than we are- that made me choke up.
As we sat on our sleds, ate our energy bars and downed our hot carbohydrate drinks, I pulled my hood down a little and turned away so he didn't see the tears welling in my eyes. Once again, he's proving the perfect team mate and I went from gazing into the abyss of self-pity to feeling stronger - in heart at least if not in legs - than I have this whole expedition. I suspect today may have been a more profound turning point than when we swing round the South Pole and start heading home in a few day's time, and I was reminded of something Jerry Colonna said to me once, about the fact that at every moment in our lives we always have the choice to be kind, both to others and to ourselves. So there's my Thought for the Day from nearly 88 degrees south: we can always be kind.
Comments
# Kerry Rogers, December 20th 2013
Ben you write so beautifully. This made me tear up too. I always try and think of you & Tarka when I’m having a rough day to keep things in perspective. You must remember that even on your best/ easiest days there, that 99% of people couldn’t cope with the work load and elements so you can’t be too hard on yourself for getting down here and there.
Stefan is always telling me stories of how fiercely competative and fit you have been since you were a kid and how hard you’ve trained (Exspecially the last ten years) to prepair for this expidition. You and Tarka are two of the hardest men alive so you’ll get through this just fine :)
Good luck!!
# McDowell Crook, December 20th 2013
Well put and yes. This post is why you’re out there.
# Jason, December 20th 2013
Ben/Tarka
“You can talk with someone for years, everyday, and still, it won’t mean as much as what you can have when you sit in front of someone, not saying a word, yet you feel that person with your heart, you feel like you have known the person for forever…. connections are made with the heart, not the tongue.”
― C. JoyBell C.
Safe Journey. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.
# Jorge, December 20th 2013
Wow. Thank you for sharing the richness and complexities of what it means to be a human being so far out there. Thank you for taking the time out of an (frozen) infernal schedule to share your experiences first-hand and almost real time. You guys are two impressive human beings. Godspeed!
# Lisa Jane Persky, December 20th 2013
Dear Ben (and Tarka) -
I appreciate that in the tradition of many great explorers before you, you bother to keep the blog/diary going. I’m sure that many nights, you’d rather not do it. As you know, it (mostly) feels better to have written than to write. To that end, everything I think of to say to you seems small in relation to your endeavor.
I don’t remember my dreams very often but I had a singularly vivid one about you two at the summit of the Beardmore Glacier. You were looking toward your return and were aglow in the first or last rays of golden sunlight. You probably don’t want to get too far ahead of yourselves since at times (like in a whiteout) it’s one foot in front of the other but I saw you and you were safe and inspired. I awoke with such a great feeling. Like all dreams, this bit is all about me but I tell it because that’s how much a part of me is wishing for you and captivated by the spirit of your adventure.
I’m pulling for you unselfishly as well, for you and your families and wishing you at the least an easy if not completely perfect Christmas.
Thank you again and again for continuing to share all these aspects of your remarkable journey.
Lisa
# Mal Owen, December 20th 2013
So glad you’ve come through that day feeling stronger. You’ve so obviously both made the right choice of travelling companion.
Deacon Patrick says “You’ll find something to offer Tarka when the time is right” this from The 14th Dalai Lama (1935) says you’ve already done just that.
“When we feel love and kindness toward others, it not only makes others feel loved and cared for, but it helps us also to develop inner happiness and peace.”
Be assured we are all supporting you in mind. Today’s responses are the proof of that.
A few days ago I discarded a question from my comment - ‘Can you describe how you feel when you are surrounded by white alone .... Maybe some poetic lines ?’ We certainly got that !
Here’s wishing you fewer whiteouts although if that’s the writing we get maybe they’re not such a bad thing.
Wish I had the gift of the pen !
PS Did you drop the one sled?
# Rayna, December 20th 2013
I echo the eloquent post by Richard and then some. An explorer with the heart of a poet, who knew ! Your post touched my heart as your thoughts turned to your girlfriend: A true romantic would give all the Saville Row suites just to hold her hand. I feel safe assuming that she realizes how lucky she is. Here’s to good travels and good (great) travel companions—Tarka.
# Rachel Barenblat, December 20th 2013
We can always be kind, indeed. Thank you for that reminder.
And thank you for this post—which inspires me tremendously. You’re doing something truly extraordinary, not despite human frailties and imperfections but as an actual human being like the rest of us. Somehow the fact that you also have tough days and tough thought-spirals makes your achievements in Antarctica all the more amazing to me. I suppose it’s a reminder that you’re not actually superhuman, despite the incredible thing you and Tarka are doing.
This is always part of what I’ve found most inspiring and incredible about the accounts of the early 20th century polar explorers, actually. In their imperfections we can see so clearly that they are just people, like the rest of us—and yet they aimed for, and accomplished, such incredible things. “To strive, to seek, to find, and not to yield.”
# George Chapman, December 20th 2013
As of 1:15PM EST The team is still moving today (12-20-13) and they have travelled nearly 18Miles. Not sure when they plan to stop but so far they are doing well today. Wishing them all the best and I’m looking forward to seeing them make it to the Pole soon. Take care guys and stay warm.
# George Chapman, December 20th 2013
As of 3:00PM EST The team is still moving today (12-20-13) and they have travelled nearly 22Miles. Not sure when they plan to stop but so far they are doing well today. Wishing them all the best and I’m looking forward to seeing them make it to the Pole soon. Take care guys and stay warm.
# Intrepid, December 20th 2013
There are all kinds of journeys we embark upon. Right now trudging through Antarctica enduring the pulling resistance of sledges, your routine with long hours, the cacophonous weather, is as others continue to point out, not your every day kind of journey! Discovering the Antarctic’s whiteout as your canvas is indeed a very important inward part of your journey. The clarity which the canvas unveiled vulnerabilities and doubts about your own goodness, met and graced by Tarka’s uplifting spirit, is a beautiful story to have had the privilege to read. Your posts enliven us with poignant and indelible words (and I am sure there will be many others worldwide who will find yours (and Tarka’s) writing inspirational). Your gift beats from a beautiful heart. Such goodness is a wellspring (even in below zero temperatures) which passes on the most important message we can live—In a world we all participate in, kindness is the best course of action.
Godspeed!
# Intrepid, December 20th 2013
Forgot to add the following:
Read an article in the latest National Geographic written by Paul Salopek who is making a 21,000 mile trek he calls, Out of Eden Walk. Am passing on a quote I found to be very indicative of any expedition/trek/exploration taken by foot — walking is “to see what lies ahead”.
And lastly, a dear friend whom I shared the quote I posted two days ago by Frank Gaines, “Only he who can see the invisible can do the impossible”, replied with, “I can’t, which is why I just do what’s possible.” Seems to me you are doing just that…